If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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