she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
