Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
