so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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