i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
