One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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