all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
