I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
