I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
