Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
