Your mouth is God's brothel.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
