Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
