He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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