I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just cropdusted the office
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
