so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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