Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
