maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
