I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
