so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
