I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
