Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm at about main and main street
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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