It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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