just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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