Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
