Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
