I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
