The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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