My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
