Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
