Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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