I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i came on her dog
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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