Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize