So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
