hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
