I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
