ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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