i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
