I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
