After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
