im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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