I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
