jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
