I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
