I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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