My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
