I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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