I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
