i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
