I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
