All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
