I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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