Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
