why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
