i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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