drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
