I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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