you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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