i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize